Chase handled things well, as long as he had his iPad in front of him (seriously, Best.Investment.Ever.). He refused to put on his gown (no surprise there) and refused to take his Versed (a.k.a. Happy Meds), so daddy and I had to hold him down for that. No worries, though. About 10 minutes later he was feeling the effects of it and had us laughing, forgetting what was ahead if only for a moment.
He wasn't "happy" enough to leave with the team, so mommy & daddy got to walk with him and the anesthesiologist down to the cath lab. He was starting to get so out of it. But when Dr. W picked him up from the gurney to carry him into the lab, he fought with whatever strength he could muster, which really wasn't too much by this point. I felt horrible but at least there wasn't any kicking or screaming.
I kissed my boy, told him I love him and to be brave, and watched him be carried into the cath lab for his procedure.
As the door closed, I found that I couldn't move. I stood there. Still as could be. Tears streaming down my face. My goal was to hold it together while I was with him, to be strong for him and not let him see the fear or worry I was filled with. Once those doors closed, I couldn't hold it together any longer.
It's so hard.
Being a mother to a child with a complex congenital heart defect is hard. So very hard. We have to do things that no mother should have to do. We have fears that no mother should have to fear. We have scary, uncertain futures ahead for our children that most mothers don't have. It's so hard.
But in the midst of my fears, and in the midst of the tears, I know Who holds my son's precious life in His hands. It's not me, not the doctors. It's my Lord and Savior, and without the knowledge of His love for me and my son, I could never get through a day like today.
I covet your prayers for Chase as he undergoes this heart catheterization. Our hope is that it remains a diagnostic procedure and doesn't require any intervention, although if they do find anything that needs attention, now is the time to address it. I'm hopeful Chase handles the anesthesia well and comes out of it without any pain.
We should receive updates every hour to hour and a half. I'll post updates here as I get them.
Thank you for your continued prayers for our sweet boy!
Here are a few pics from this morning:
Loving the iPad.
Versed on board and he's happy as a clam. Here he's putting the bubblegum-scented oxygen mask on Mickey.
The ride to the cath lab. He started in the middle of the gurney but started leaning over as we went along.
So. Very. Out of it. This was right before Dr. W took him into the cath lab. My sweet little Rock Star. I love him so.
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